January 07, 2019 | 3 minute read
I have been meaning to start a blog for the last 2-3 years now. Always hesitated because of many reasons. But the two main deterrents were:
And unsurprisingly, both these issues were related to my belief in my abilities. Both these reasons point to the same fear but they come through different alleys.
The first one is a classic problem that I face before working on anything.
I do this with poems, blogs, code, songs, any creative endeavor basically. The envision part of the cycle does allow me to let my imagination run wild which is a very good thing. But the persistent and pragmatic follow through that is required makes me doubt myself a lot. The first sign of troubling struggle can be a major downer sometimes. That doesn’t mean that I don’t get anything done ever. There are times when I can get a lot of work done (when I’m in the zone). But I always found a blog to be a bigger and a much thorough commitment.
The second reason, even though it sounds a little childish, is a bummer because I do want that human connection. I want to share what I create with everyone, get their feedback and connect.
I think both these reasons point to one thing and that is the realization that I may not be as good as I want to be. There is nothing wrong with the sentiment in itself as it makes us realize our shortcomings. But if you’re not in a good place it can make you feel worthless and take you to a really dark place. I have been there many times before and my advice to myself (and maybe you) is to break down tasks and bear the burden of only one day at a time. Whenever I have successfully done that, I don’t think about the mythical golden destination and I end up working on the task at hand (I do fall prey to the dark patterns again many times though, but when that happens, you should talk to someone).
So coming to the ‘why’ of writing this blog, I just felt like sharing some of my thoughts. With myself and hopefully with a few others. It has always been a hurdle to start, so I have decided to break a post into logical parts and write it in bursts. I will write/prune/proofread in those bursts so that the burden of the end goal does not weigh heavy on me (advice that sounds pretty good for other things too, now that I write it).
And the focus of collecting these thoughts for myself seems to have allayed the fears of the second reason for now.
I think I am going to blog about two broad logical categories:
Won’t be posting any poems here because I post them on Instagram, at least the short ones, and I’m fine with that right now. I’ll also leave a link to a song at the end of every post (98% chances of being unrelated to the post) because I love sharing music 🙂